continuation: "State of Love and Trust"

"I am trying to understand you.

You have been trying to screw me into submission.

I was not.

You've been trying to screw me into submission, and I let you. I let you, because the sex was so good and you're ego was so hurt.

I am trying to understand you. I am trying to understand you, and know you.

I am trying to love you - but I don't know how.

I don't know how because you don't give me anything.

So the wentburn was you branding me? Like a cattle?

I'M TRYING! I don't know you. I don't know you because you don't give me anything.

I give you everything!

...

I'm trying to love you. Why won't you let me?

Burke.

Burke was

He took something from me.

He took little pieces of me over time. So small I didn't notice.

He wanted me to be - something I wasn't.

And I made myself into what he wanted.

One day I was me, Christina Yang - and suddenly I was lying for him; jeopardizing my career; agreeing to be married, wearing a ring and being a bride untill I was standing there in a weddingdress, with no eyebrows and I wasn't Christina Yang anymore. Even then I would have married him. I would have.

I lost myself for a long time. Now, that I'm finally me again. I can't.

I love you. I love you more than I loved Burke - and that scares the crap out of me, because when you asked me to ignore Teddy's page - you took a piece of me and I let you.

That, will never happen again."